Designer Lake Lam on devotion through design, fashion, and freedom

We discuss the multiplicity of a woman, autonomy, and commitment to solidarity and community

Cunt, diva, devotion, subtlety. These four art forms are what Lake Lam, a fashion design student, follows as a form of agency and resistance in her personal life and design practice. Influenced heavily by queer nightlife culture and style, she can “...pinpoint a lot of inspiration more so coming from nightlife because…that's where I see so much more innovation nowadays.” Materiality and tactility in her practice go hand in hand with her experimentation around nightlife wear.

Growing up in a devout Buddhist household, Lam was exposed to teachings of detachment to the body and the material early in life. It wasn’t until recently that she questioned these teachings in relation to her design practice and felt the need to highlight the body. “I feel that appreciating the vessel that carries the garment—there's a lot of value in that.” Her designs and personal philosophy have grown to accept the body as a form of expression, and the body, as a concept, has reintegrated back into Lam’s psyche as she continues to move through the world. To live with devotion and an unwavering trust in the body and humanity is something that most people continuously strive for. Lam is thus expanding these ideologies in her life and design practice: “I think that the human silhouette, in all of its forms, is beautiful. I think it deserves to be seen.”

Although her relationship with religion is in flux, the impact of Buddhism still influences Lam’s personal style and fashion philosophy. There’s “power in softness” and a strong belief in subtlety that she operates on the daily. The challenge of serving cunt and being a diva through subtlety is seen as a form of power and agency that comes out of commitment to one’s authenticity outside of environments, like nightlife, that would question overt vulnerability of the Self.

Her designs demonstrate restraint, structure, and tailoring that evoke a religious end product on devotion and commitment as an everyday practice through the human body, “...seeing that intensity, seeing that severe commitment into a practice or into a feeling, is something that motivates me.” Lam has then found devotion and religion in herself through fashion design. Her life’s purpose of living, breathing, and creating for herself and the body is all tied to groundedness and the present. Lam’s agency to herself and her solid belief in her design practice is her form of resistance and transgressive existence.

Our full interview with Lake can be read below.

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A: How would you describe your design practice?

L: I think in the simplest terms, it's just the easiest, most authentic way for me to express my life experiences. I've just come to realize and really value the way that I express myself best—through fashion, through art, through my creativity around everything tactile. That's why I love working with fabrics. Not just fabrics but also things that aren't typically viewed as “wearable”—anything that has to do with human touch. And my process—I feel like for a long time I was just drawing inspiration from my memories of being outdoors, meeting people either intentionally or in passing that really have just pushed some sort of boundary of what people expect to see and then subverting it in some kind of way. Specifically in women, in feminine people, in non-men, I've seen it expressed by just averting some sort of attention away from the male gaze. Seeing people do that so openly and so brazenly, I feel like it has been a huge inspiration for me growing up till this point, and now, I can pinpoint a lot of inspiration more so coming from nightlife because I feel like that's where I see so much more innovation nowadays. It's not just people dressing in a certain way because Oh, like this is for the women's gaze!, but it's more so just No, I'm dressing this way because I love cunt. Because it's sexy to me. It expresses ‘me’ in a way that I wouldn't be able to find in any other situation. Nightlife is at the top of my list of inspiration right now.

A: We’ve talked about how you’ve landed on devotion as a form of solace in your private life. Has that revelation influenced your design work and/or process? If yes, what changed? What stayed the same? If not, can you tell me more about the conceptual act of devotion?

L: I'd been looking for a word that accurately describes the process in which I'm living my life right now, and once I landed on the word devotion, I feel like everything slowly started to fall into place; especially in my design practice, [devotion] is one of the purest forms of commitment, either to yourself or to the ones you love, or to a practice you love. To nature, To life. It's not just committing yourself to any [one] of those things, but it's also embodying it and allowing it to drive your passion and course through the fabric of your own life. With the people who I sense have the most devotion in their lives, it's unquestionable. There's always a sense of knowing that this is something that a person is doing because they genuinely feel it through their entire body. And seeing that intensity, seeing that severe commitment into a practice or into a feeling, is something that motivates me because embodying that takes a lot of introspection.

A: Your work feels religious or denotes religious symbolism. I think what I’m trying to get at, is how there’s an intense focus on tailoring and structure that translates into religion in the final product. Can you walk us through this?

L: Yes! I'm actually really happy you brought up religion because it's definitely a component that I try to integrate into a lot of my designs. I appreciate it being noticed. As someone who was raised by parents who were devout Buddhists, there's a huge emphasis on detaching yourself from worldly pleasures, and a lot of it also has to do with pleasures of perception. It involves wearing a lot of free-flowing clothes—clothes that take away attention from sexualizing yourself. Making yourself look as neutral, as plain as possible. People see your character more than they see the physicality of the body. I think growing up, that's just something that's just been in the back of my mind—how do I take attention away from my body so that people can value everything else I have to offer?

I think it was only in recent years that I realized that a lot of your character can be expressed through your body. People see a lot about you, and they notice a lot about you. They can pick up things about who you are as a person based on the way you dress. That's what got me to reevaluate whether or not I agree if I wanted to always wear clothes that would take attention away from the physical part of my being. The answer was no—I like my body. So translating that into my designs, it went from appreciation into practice where I would make more clothing that would hug the body, that would show off the body. Even if it sounds cliche, there's a lot of value in appreciating the vessel that carries the garment. No matter what kind of body type it is, there’s a lot of skill in being able to manipulate a textile so that it hugs a curve, so that it emphasizes a certain aspect of a body; there's a lot of power in not hiding who you are but highlighting it instead. That's why, moving forward, I'm trying to balance the line of free-flowing garments coupled with garments that are closer to the human silhouette because we shouldn't shy away from the human silhouette. I think that the human silhouette in all of its forms is beautiful. I think it deserves to be seen.

A: Your design speaks to me as honest and transgressive but in a subtle way. There is an element of power here with your ability to play with simple geometry and softness and both still evoke an edge. How does power play in your work?

L: I've taken a lot of inspiration from my mom. She's always tried to teach me the power of subtlety. The power in softness. Not everything needs to be super loud and rough and brutal for it to command a space. It takes a lot of control in order to show off boldness in a way that isn't just always loud or operates in a maximalist space. Something that I always try to think of is, How do I turn people's heads without overdoing something? If I were to create a garment, and I was thinking about textiles, I would think about what kind of materials I want to use? How many different materials do I want to use? If a lot of the fabrics are minimal and I wouldn't consider them “loud” fabrics, I would then put more emphasis on texture, on accessories. For example, the gown that I sent you—it's a fully satin gown. I chose to add visual interest through feathers because if I were to choose a gown or a fabric of the gown that had a print on it, it would distract from the grandiose figure, the lines, and the texture of the feathers. By being very selective about how you want to create noise in a garment, I feel like that it can become more interesting. That ability to find the correct peaks and balances is a demonstration of power. The power of influence, of knowing not just your own design but knowing how people will perceive your design, and being able to guide that perception. It's all about really understanding what it is you want people to look at and finding the ways to move them into that path. To me, that's power. The power of influencing people's perception. I don't think I'm there yet, but it's wonderful to be on that path.

A: Who do you imagine you're designing for?

L: Well, the most vain answer would be me. I don't find an issue with that either! Not enough people give themselves credit for being their own muse. For a lot of designers I've met, everyone always talks about I want to design for my mom. I want to design for celebrities, but I think a lot of it draws inspiration from when you see someone who's wearing a garment that speaks to you, you're imagining yourself wearing that garment. And that's what intrigues you, that's what motivates you, that's what inspires you. At the end of the day, I'm designing for myself because I know that in the future, if I were to create a brand, it would be a brand where I could try every single one of the garments [myself]. I could style them in ways that make me feel good about myself. Make me feel at the highest of Lake. That's not to say I won't design for other people—I would love to, but ultimately I am my biggest inspiration, and I trust my sense of identity, and I trust my taste. Because I'm fashionable, because I know what beauty looks like, and I know how to translate that into tactile garments. If I can wear it, undoubtedly, there will be hoards of people who are also going to want to wear something like it.

A: In the other question, you mentioned how your mom taught you the power of subtlety. Can you explain the connection between subtlety and celebrating the body?

L: I'm still finding equilibrium. It comes in waves for me at least. I found that trying to find complete balance between the two is a tireless task. Instead of always having a 50/50 balance in the way I present myself, I allow myself to dip into one side and the other on certain occasions. There are days when I feel extremely comfortable displaying as much skin as possible, and that's how I want my character to be displayed in whatever scenario I find myself in, which is typically nightlife. Another aspect is where I find a sense of safety. In nightlife, I try to go to events that are primarily, if not completely, queer. It's easier to feel comfortable in nudity and in vulnerability when you know that people who are sharing the space with you are going to appreciate you and not fetishize you or not spin it in a way that takes it out of appreciation and into desire. In subtlety, I find it’s displayed most often in the mundane. Again, finding peaks and valleys, when I do choose to display my body and show a lot of skin, it's at carefully selected spaces and times. And so always doing that takes the novelty away from it. It takes away from the message. When I'm not doing that, that's when I display my subtlety. That's when I display a more laid back [look], a more, for lack of better word, demure [look].

I think a lot of people are still trying to find a balance in which they want to be subtle, but they also want to be noticed, and they want to be perceived as sexy. They want to be cunty. They want to be a diva, but they don't know how to do it in a way that's more conservative. Where you're not just showing off parts of your body that would be typically be seen as cunty. That challenge in it of itself is why I like to operate in subtlety in the every day. Wearing clothing that covers most of my body but is draped in a way where it still demonstrates some kind of diva attitude. It depends on styling too. Find other ways for the garment to speak that isn't just through shape. Visually, people take in a lot more stimulus beyond just shapes in people. They see textures, they see patterns, they see designs, they see colors. Forcing yourself to be more interesting, being more careful and selective of how you choose to display subtlety is a challenge I love giving myself. In the everyday, that's how I operate. Choosing less to show off my skin, choosing more to show off my taste.

A: It just goes back to agency of the body and control. To me, it centers on resistance in a sense. You have the ability to dress yourself how you are. You have the say at the end of the day. Can you talk about that? On resistance in relationship to body, style, and fashion.

L: Yes! Modesty is something that a good handful of people try to practice and unfortunately, the vast majority of those who want to practice modesty are in some form or shape directly influenced by the patriarchy and appealing to how masculinity tries to define femininity. Being more subdued, lesser than. It does take a lot of agency and introspection to get to a point where you simply don't care anymore. It also means you're always going against the grain. You're always in a position of being scrutinized. By anyone, not just by the male gaze but by people who are in your own communities as well. I think a lot of people see how intense it is to be in that position where you're constantly having to defend some form of your identity, and it makes them uncomfortable because they know that they wouldn't subject themselves to being in that position. When they see individuals who are in that place, there's more to lose not expressing yourself than being authentic. It scares them. It makes them feel insecure about why they haven't reached that place themselves. It's a difficult thing to consistently practice. Just acknowledging to yourself, Would it be more worth it to be genuine in how you express yourself than it is to dim who you are as a person in order to appeal to the general mass? It was just a matter of time; I've taken the lesser road for [so] long that I've realized I don't feel fulfilled.

There's no long-lasting satisfaction in conformity. Resistance, as difficult as it is, and as tiring it can be, is also freeing. It offers more gratification for who I am and how I choose to live than if I were to just listen to what people are telling me how to live. A lot of this ideology that I'm operating under now, I was able to find in being trans. The whole act of being trans is living the rest of your life against the grain. In finding comfort and happiness in doing so, it's just matriculated into all the other aspects in my life. Especially in fashion, too, because now that I don't care what people have to say or think about me in my gender identity and sexuality, why would I give a shit about what people have to say about me in terms of the clothing I put on my body? Being trans but also allowing yourself to fall into the trap of conformity, it's kind of an oxymoron. You've already taken so many steps to get to a place where you're resisting already, why not resist even more? It's not something new. It just adds to your ability to live your life authentically in a way that makes you the happiest.

A: It feels like there are barriers and filters in the way of reaching their highest potential of who they are in their purest form. Do you have anything else to add?

L: The perspective I've gained as being a transsexual woman who’s deeply inspired by fashion and knows [for] the rest of my life my passions lie in fashion and art and creativity, [is how] easy it is to be discouraged, and how easy it is to be swayed by opinions on how I should express myself. It has been a struggle to see whether or not I should be doing that more often in hopes of finding my place in the industry. But I've found that in the moments when I choose to leave all that behind and I embrace who I am as a person, do what I want with the people I respect and adore, and express myself through fashion and body language, all of that has granted me so much more freedom and so much more clarity in what makes me happy in this life than anything I've ever felt when I did conform.

Resisting is difficult, but it's also the most satisfying thing I've done in my life. When you resist, you find those who are like-minded. It's not as if you have to resist on your own. You resist in community. You find people who are going to support you and uplift you, who are going to amplify your message. In the spirit of women's month, women's celebration as a whole, choosing to trust yourself and following what you know is the most authentic [thing you could do] for yourself. You would be able to find happiness not just in your own life but in community, in other people. It's not just a façade. When you do these transgressive things, you can't help but find people who share the same sentiments. It's all very real. If you want to live a real life, just resist and be authentic. You can do it even with fear. I feel like doing it with fear is the best because then you learn how to do things even if you don't have the confidence, and that's what builds confidence.

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